First Mother's Day w\o my mother by Nikki Beauchamp

Today is my first Mother's Day without my Mother. It is strange and confusing. It has reminded me of the hole that I have in my heart for her. I find that I evaluate all mother daughter relationships around me intently. I am constantly thinking what would my mom do, what would I do. I try not to personalize the ignorance of the people around me regarding this precious relationship with full acknowledgement that I too was this ignorant person.

The love of a Mother.... There is no other....

I feel like the pain of loss I feel inside is trapped in this eternal maze... and I am constantly searching for a point of releif without success. I wonder, often, if that day will ever come.

My own mind betrays me continuously, in the calls I attempt to make to her cell phone, the stops i want to make at her job, the bags and gadgets that I want to buy her thinking "she'll love this", the concerts that I want to email her about, and the random I love you's just to let her know I am there. Quickly, I remember "Oh she's not here".

So I guess if there is one thing I would like to share,,,, no matter how far or how annoying you think your mother is.... reflect on the fact that one day she may not be there for you to complain about. Cherish those 5 min phone calls out of your day, the holidays filled with memories that you carry with you, the random gift to let her know "I thought of you when I saw this", and the hugs and kisses that from the day you were born till the day you die, there will never be another like it.

On this day of honoring and celebrating the woman that has birthed you, nurtured you, raised you up, and molded you to the person you are today, let your Mother's know how much you love and appreciate them in my name.